Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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