so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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