we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
