So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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