remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
