I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
