So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
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I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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