your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
