I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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