someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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