And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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