I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
