What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
