That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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