Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
