If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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