we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
