Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
