i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
