yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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