Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
