I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
