Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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