I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
