Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
