some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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