dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm at about main and main street
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
