If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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