On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
