I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
