Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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