My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
