remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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