I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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