2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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