Non-Jews are for practice
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
