Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
