Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
