im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
