if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
