One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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