Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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