Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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