i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
