i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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