saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
