I cannot find my penis.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
