sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
