remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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