apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she smelled like a LAN party
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
