giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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