Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i now understand why vodka
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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