The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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