I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
