Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
