Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize