best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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