on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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