if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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