I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just pee around me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned