I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
