The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
