I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
