What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could fuck to npr.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
