There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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