So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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