I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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