i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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