wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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