Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
