I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
