id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
