What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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