if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
