I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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