You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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