i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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