We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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